Being IN the Tune of Two

Did you ever sing/clap the rhyme that started:

 "I went to a Chinese restaurant to buy a loaf of bread bread bread!
He wrapped it up in a 5 lb bag and this is what he said said said!"
(There are multiple variations to the rest..)

Song rhymes were like a religion for me from the ages of 6-8, and mostly performed with my favorite clap-partner, and cousin, Laura.  We knew each other and we were in tune.  There were a couple other rhymes we would clap, but this one was definitely our favorite.  Whether we were on the bus, at lunch, or in the playground we were showing off our speed and precision to words which, really, were complete silliness.  And. we. LOVED it.

Tonight I found myself teaching my 5-year-old daughter Mallory the basics of the clap -- the repeated three hand positions.  The first parallel hand position is tricky, but she started getting it after a few minutes.  Before long she had all three so I threw in the rhyme!  As we got going, suddenly I relived the feeling that went along with clapping.. and I was giddy!  Once I started speeding up, even though Mallory couldn't keep up, we both ended up throwing our heads back and giggling.  So much fun.

As I sat afterward, I couldn't help but reflect on how similar relationships are to this childhood ritual of mine.   It's easy to see the comparison when you think of the dance that comes with a good partner.  Like clapping with Laura there is a THRILL in the moment of being in tune and connected.  Back in the day, it wasn't just the silliness of the song that made us smile, but the knowing each other; predicting each other.  It was in the challenge of pushing the pace, and testing our limits. We could accommodate to each other's weakness, and highlight our individual strength.   It was exhilarating to get going so fast that others would stop and watch.  We.Were.Good.   

How had we gotten so good?  Well, perhaps there was a compatibility factor in our disposition, skill, and personality.  I'm sure those things were key.  And then there was the obvious (but essential) willingness factor. If you don't want to clap, it ain't gonna happen!   But mostly, I have to believe, it's because we put the time and effort in.  When it came to clapping we knew each other.  And I follow the motto: anything worth doing, is worth doing right!   A fully-developed relationship is so much like that.   Yes indeed a certain amount of compatibility is important, and you definitely have to be willing and wanting.   But you also have to get through that awkward beginning -- when your claps aren't quite on target, even if well-intended.  You're clumsy.  Forgetful.  At moments, maybe frustrated and discouraged.   It takes time and effort to get to the point where it's seamless; when the dance becomes easy and natural.  You have to be patient, and merciful.  You have to be hopeful and trusting of the process.  You have to believe in the dance. But, before you know it, you find yourself singing a tad louder one day, because you sense your partner needs the lift.   You find yourselves challenging and encouraging each other to sing new songs and to push new limits.  You wake up and realize, you're in tune.  The rhyme and rhythm has become second nature. And the intimacy of being in tune with another human being is nothing short of absolutely exhilarating.  

Apple Of My Eye

Don't apologize for that smile child
When critics chirp, as they do
And green eyes look for lies
No shame is found in what is pure
Shine on sweetheart, shine

Don't give away your pride child
When hunger aches, as it will
For things not in good time
Plant feet on grounds of worth
Stand strong, baby, strong

Don't lose your inner peace child
When heartache comes, as it does
And shadows haunt your thoughts
A tiny flame lies deep beneath
Search, angel, search

Don't put limits on your love child
When the world seems cold, as it will
For a secret I have found..
By how you give it, you will live
So burn bright, my love, burn bright!

                                                                                

The Unraveling of Love

"When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man(woman), I did away with childish things."   
1 Corinthians 13:11



How is love viewed as a child?  When I reflect upon my own childhood, as well as observe my little ones, it becomes apparent to me that love is seen differently through their small eyes and sweet hearts.  In fact, it is experienced, seen, and given uniquely.  As children we see the concept of love as a place (I'm in love), or an expression of affection (I love my puppy!).  It is a thing of fairy tales.   An entity of affection and care.  An aura.  A mystical endeavor.   As a child, love is a noun.

 But as we mature, love starts to unravel.   It becomes more complicated, more cumbersome.  Love starts evolving.  Slowly, and sometime painfully, we learn that love is a minute by minute choice.  Love is action.

It is the deciding to be present, when we want to be absent
It is the accepting, when we would rather shut out
It is in the giving, when we would rather keep
It's contentment, when we want to expect
It is in the grace, when we want to condemn

Love is in...

Moments of mercy

Buried axes

Mended bridges

Tested wills






It is in the you, instead of the me.



Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.  1 John 3:18 

Project: Self Love

Question:  Do you love yourself?    Slow down, I suspect you answered that WAY to quickly.  How about this, I get on my SB for a minute, you read on, and at the end you give an honest answer.  Deal?

    I think most would agree the Beatles were spot on with their ‘All you need is Love’ message.  Yep, it’s true and actually not that original.  Everyone from Jesus, to Shakespeare, to Barry White have echoed that tune.   It’s an age old truth.  Love is the key to, well, everything. 

    So now you’re thinking, ‘Ugh! Danielle is getting all lovey-dovey, ooey-gooey on us.  Ok, I’ll check out now.’  STOP.  I’m not about reinventing the wheel here.  Instead, I would like to share my heart and convictions about how I believe all this plays out, or doesn't, in real time.

So, do you love yourself?

Turns out, LOVE is a two step process.  Step one:  Love yourself   Step two:  Love others.  Oh, you didn't know that step one was a prerequisite?  Yep.  Sure is.  In fact, you can only love others to the extent that you love yourself.   And this is where we drop the ball.  Often.  

So, how are you doing?

Do you love yourself?

   Let me clarify on this self love thing, I’m not speaking of  the narcissistic variety, where the love of self is out of proportion with the love and value of every other human being.  I'm talking about the kind of self love that acknowledges you have worth and value EQUAL to everyone else.    So pause here and scratch the following behaviors and attitude from this discussion:  Ego trip, selfishness, conceit, vanity, or self delusion.  No self worship here.  Love simply has nothing to do with that nonsense.  

   Now let me really annoy you with some spiritual talk.  Have you heard that God loves you?  He does. in fact, he broke the mold when he made you.  Do you know there is no one in the world exactly like you?    Our human DNA was designed with 3.1 billion sub-units (those bits that determine our personal characteristics), in such a way, there is no chance that two of us could be the same.   So, you’re actually way more special than one in a million, sweetheart.   YOU are unique.  YOU are valuable.  You're an amazing being with a mysterious blend of spiritual and physical;  material yet ethereal.  YOU are deserving of love, from yourself and from others.   In fact, in the words of Buddha ‘You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve YOUR love and affection.’  Got it?  Good. 

   I'm not sure if you put much weight in the words of Jesus, but if you've read about his ways and words, you  probably know that he had a special way of speaking truth.   When asked what the two greatest commandments were, he said that  ALL of them could be summed up in two commandments (All of them?  wow).  Firstly, love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.    And the second was to ‘Love thy neighbor as thyself’ (Matthew 22:39)  Did you notice the assumption in this command?   Did you catch it?  It comes with the expectation that you have proper self love already established!  Because you should.   And if you don't know why, please read the paragraph above this one, once again.      

    Here is another kicker, that love needs to be unconditional.  This is where I get tripped up, often.  You know that little voice in your noggin?  How nice is it?   Oh.  Not always so nice?  I can relate.  Did you know that you have the right to challenge it?  Yep.  In fact, psychologists have been filling up bookshelves for years about the subject.    And, it’s OK to see fault in yourself.  In fact, you should.  What shouldn't you do?  Let it define your existence.    Bad behavior does not equal bad you. I repeat, bad behavior does not equal bad you.  You are human.  Clumsy.  Limited. Clueless at times.  You are on a journey called life where you WILL mess up, but nevertheless, you are not your mistakes. You might ask, what happens when I mess up?  Good question.  No free cards here.  You give yourself a mental hand smack, figure out your misstep, right your wrongs, etc. but NEVER label yourself based on bad behavior.  

So,what does this look like in real time?    What if I misspell a word?  Does it make me stupid?  No.  It makes me limited.  I'll fix it.  You say something insensitive; causing someone’s feeling to be injured, does that make you a Jerk?  NO.  You made a mistake.  It was wrong.  Acknowledge it, and be empowered by the fact that you also know how to be sensitive and can right that wrong.  Ask for forgiveness. Learn from it.  Again, no free ‘get out of jail cards’ for feeling remorse, particularly when your wrongs impact others.  Remorse is necessary.  It helps reinforce the learning process.  Just don’t define yourself by your wrongs.  No self hate here.  Knock if off.  Got it?  Good. 

   So, now what does a valuable, wonderful being, deserve?  Well, good things.  It’s what we teach our children, whom we love and cherish so dearly.  We get disappointed when they undercut their value with bad choices they make.  It makes us sad if people don’t see their value, and treat them less than what they deserve.  We find it unacceptable, and in fact become livid when children are abused, misused, or discarded without a care.  We love them, and it’s easy for us to see their worth.  So why are we any different?  We’re not.  We deserve good things; fair treatment, and love.  It’s what our moms and pops would want.  It’s what God wants.

Specifically, here is a few things I think you (and I) deserve:

1. Good health, on all levels (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.).  You deserve it.  You are worth it.  Do what it takes to make it happen. 
2. Good relationships:  If you love you, then love others the same.  Don’t accept less than what you deserve in regards to treatment as well.  Your momma will be sad if you do. 
3. Follow your dreams:  Why shouldn't you?  Tackle injustice.  Paint masterpieces.  Plant a big ole Garden. Teach.  Learn.  Use your skills and talents to better the world, no matter what they are!  Remember, God doesn't make junk.  Use what you have-what thrills you-and give yourself permission to run with it!  Seriously. 

So, do you love yourself?

Paul Murrell put it in Decision Magazine:

I am in awe.

God

thought of

thunder, wind, oceans,

eclipses, auroras,

continents, ice caps,

stars, moons,

the universe,

and me.