So why the tattoo?

Good question.  Especially when most wouldn't consider Danielle as a 'gaudy tattoo down her foot' kind of gal.  Well, I shared with a friend today,for the first time, the complete reasoning, and was inspired to write it out for those who might care to know.

        

My 4 year old Mallory

As my family knows, flowers,particularly wildflowers, are special to me.  I spent much of my summers hunting down special bouquets for my mother, paying careful attention for that special unique center 'posie.'  Those are memories of simple pleasure, of peace, contentment, and just living in the moment. 

        

A few months back I was really on a running streak, literally and figuratively.  Much of my life was getting to be on the fast track.  One night I had this vivid dream;  I was running on the walking path on the campus I work with, much like I did most work days, but this day I was going REALLY fast.  I was trying to keep my eyes forward and focused, as if I was trying to beat my pace.  It was a gorgeous day, sunny and with a breeze.  I started passing a field on my left, and in the corner of my eye I caught this unfamiliar, almost exotic, tall flower growing among the bending wheat.  

Suddenly I had this inner conflict.  A voice deep inside said, 'stop and look at that flower Danielle.  When have you ever seen anything like that?'  This voice was one of calm, of curiosity, of childlike wonder.  Then another voice came in, but this voice was loud, and rushed and it insisted 'NO!  Keep going!  You have to keep moving!  You can't stop now!'   

I was deeply conflicted.  What do I do?  

 I chose to stop.  
I chose to walk to the flower. 

And as  I held the flower in my hand, and beheld the utter beauty of its detail and color, that calm voice came back.  "Danielle....this shouldn't have been a struggle.  THIS was the obvious choice.  When will you ever see this again?'  And then I saw the faces of my children.  And I felt shame.  I suddenly knew that my rush to get ahead, to find my future, was causing me to lose sight of the now.

      The next day I came to work and told a couple of close coworker/friends about the dream.  It haunted me, alerted me, and caused me to think. To stop.  That was the same week the trees were blossoming on campus, and as I walked by them everyday, I watched them shed their blossoms fast, realizing how fleeting their beauty is.

       
    My children will only be 1 and 3 for exactly one year of their lives.  That's it.  If I miss it, I can't get that back.  A lot has changed in my life over the past year, as some know, so it's easy for me to get swallowed up on the 'how will I fix that on my car?  Where will I be working next year?  What degree should I go for now?  Will I ever find love again....?"  But while I run that crazy race, I will not lose sight of rare flowers; the giggles of my babies, the way Mallory searches for cold skin at night to rub while she goes to sleep, the wild 'meeemy mommmy' run I get from Lucas when I walk into his daycare room.  I choose to be intentionally present in these moments, as well as many others that I share with dear friends, family, a book, or heck, my coffee!   I choose to find happiness in the moments of my life now.  Because if we can't find happiness where we are at, what makes us think we deserve it in the future?  It's inward-outward, not the other way around. 

      

Back to the cherry blossom branch.  Other than its just obvious beauty, it is richly symbolic in the Japanese culture.  It often symbolizes mortality, more specifically its extreme beauty and quick death.  Life is fleeting.  I put it on my foot so no matter how fast I get running I won't forget to stop and notice the beauty.