Project: Self Love

Question:  Do you love yourself?    Slow down, I suspect you answered that WAY to quickly.  How about this, I get on my SB for a minute, you read on, and at the end you give an honest answer.  Deal?

    I think most would agree the Beatles were spot on with their ‘All you need is Love’ message.  Yep, it’s true and actually not that original.  Everyone from Jesus, to Shakespeare, to Barry White have echoed that tune.   It’s an age old truth.  Love is the key to, well, everything. 

    So now you’re thinking, ‘Ugh! Danielle is getting all lovey-dovey, ooey-gooey on us.  Ok, I’ll check out now.’  STOP.  I’m not about reinventing the wheel here.  Instead, I would like to share my heart and convictions about how I believe all this plays out, or doesn't, in real time.

So, do you love yourself?

Turns out, LOVE is a two step process.  Step one:  Love yourself   Step two:  Love others.  Oh, you didn't know that step one was a prerequisite?  Yep.  Sure is.  In fact, you can only love others to the extent that you love yourself.   And this is where we drop the ball.  Often.  

So, how are you doing?

Do you love yourself?

   Let me clarify on this self love thing, I’m not speaking of  the narcissistic variety, where the love of self is out of proportion with the love and value of every other human being.  I'm talking about the kind of self love that acknowledges you have worth and value EQUAL to everyone else.    So pause here and scratch the following behaviors and attitude from this discussion:  Ego trip, selfishness, conceit, vanity, or self delusion.  No self worship here.  Love simply has nothing to do with that nonsense.  

   Now let me really annoy you with some spiritual talk.  Have you heard that God loves you?  He does. in fact, he broke the mold when he made you.  Do you know there is no one in the world exactly like you?    Our human DNA was designed with 3.1 billion sub-units (those bits that determine our personal characteristics), in such a way, there is no chance that two of us could be the same.   So, you’re actually way more special than one in a million, sweetheart.   YOU are unique.  YOU are valuable.  You're an amazing being with a mysterious blend of spiritual and physical;  material yet ethereal.  YOU are deserving of love, from yourself and from others.   In fact, in the words of Buddha ‘You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve YOUR love and affection.’  Got it?  Good. 

   I'm not sure if you put much weight in the words of Jesus, but if you've read about his ways and words, you  probably know that he had a special way of speaking truth.   When asked what the two greatest commandments were, he said that  ALL of them could be summed up in two commandments (All of them?  wow).  Firstly, love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.    And the second was to ‘Love thy neighbor as thyself’ (Matthew 22:39)  Did you notice the assumption in this command?   Did you catch it?  It comes with the expectation that you have proper self love already established!  Because you should.   And if you don't know why, please read the paragraph above this one, once again.      

    Here is another kicker, that love needs to be unconditional.  This is where I get tripped up, often.  You know that little voice in your noggin?  How nice is it?   Oh.  Not always so nice?  I can relate.  Did you know that you have the right to challenge it?  Yep.  In fact, psychologists have been filling up bookshelves for years about the subject.    And, it’s OK to see fault in yourself.  In fact, you should.  What shouldn't you do?  Let it define your existence.    Bad behavior does not equal bad you. I repeat, bad behavior does not equal bad you.  You are human.  Clumsy.  Limited. Clueless at times.  You are on a journey called life where you WILL mess up, but nevertheless, you are not your mistakes. You might ask, what happens when I mess up?  Good question.  No free cards here.  You give yourself a mental hand smack, figure out your misstep, right your wrongs, etc. but NEVER label yourself based on bad behavior.  

So,what does this look like in real time?    What if I misspell a word?  Does it make me stupid?  No.  It makes me limited.  I'll fix it.  You say something insensitive; causing someone’s feeling to be injured, does that make you a Jerk?  NO.  You made a mistake.  It was wrong.  Acknowledge it, and be empowered by the fact that you also know how to be sensitive and can right that wrong.  Ask for forgiveness. Learn from it.  Again, no free ‘get out of jail cards’ for feeling remorse, particularly when your wrongs impact others.  Remorse is necessary.  It helps reinforce the learning process.  Just don’t define yourself by your wrongs.  No self hate here.  Knock if off.  Got it?  Good. 

   So, now what does a valuable, wonderful being, deserve?  Well, good things.  It’s what we teach our children, whom we love and cherish so dearly.  We get disappointed when they undercut their value with bad choices they make.  It makes us sad if people don’t see their value, and treat them less than what they deserve.  We find it unacceptable, and in fact become livid when children are abused, misused, or discarded without a care.  We love them, and it’s easy for us to see their worth.  So why are we any different?  We’re not.  We deserve good things; fair treatment, and love.  It’s what our moms and pops would want.  It’s what God wants.

Specifically, here is a few things I think you (and I) deserve:

1. Good health, on all levels (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.).  You deserve it.  You are worth it.  Do what it takes to make it happen. 
2. Good relationships:  If you love you, then love others the same.  Don’t accept less than what you deserve in regards to treatment as well.  Your momma will be sad if you do. 
3. Follow your dreams:  Why shouldn't you?  Tackle injustice.  Paint masterpieces.  Plant a big ole Garden. Teach.  Learn.  Use your skills and talents to better the world, no matter what they are!  Remember, God doesn't make junk.  Use what you have-what thrills you-and give yourself permission to run with it!  Seriously. 

So, do you love yourself?

Paul Murrell put it in Decision Magazine:

I am in awe.

God

thought of

thunder, wind, oceans,

eclipses, auroras,

continents, ice caps,

stars, moons,

the universe,

and me.

Today I am content

Today, I am content.

Tomorrow I might chase after the newest bathroom cleaner, coffee creamer, or body wash scent.  I might ponder thoughts of cleaner floors or whiter teeth.   Criticize my sugar intake.  Focus on more energy output.  Make a plan.  Make a list.  Hope to do better…

But, today I am satisfied. 

 Next week I'll tweak my parenting style, set out to read more nonfiction, or make a 3-day-a-week yoga plan.  I could feel entitled to more affection, attention, or justice in my life.  I might get down on myself for sleeping in, and not stepping out.  I could cry.  I could complain.

But, today I am grateful.

  

 Next year I will be inspired to run a marathon, keep a dream journal, and cut out red meat.  I could create a plan to teach or learn more.  I might need to make love more, or feel compelled to protest war.  I might feel overlooked, or misunderstood.  I might need answers.

                                                                                                                                                                                             Not today.  Today I am thankful for the cup before me.  And If I was in want of anything, it would be this:  To have the first thought in my head, when I wake, to be this:

Today, I am content. 

“Contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty” ~Socrates

                                                                                                                                                                                             

When Words Fail

 I found my heart heavy this morning, while driving into work, with thoughts of close friends and family, many who have been suffering.  I realized, as I brought these struggles to mind and as my heart ached, that often I don’t have words for my Maker;  somehow, words are insufficient.  Not only insufficient, though, unnecessary.  Unnecessary. 

I was reminded of a verse from the bible, which I have come back to time and time again:  “….. The Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.’  Romans 8:26.  If you’re reading this, I don’t know what you believe, or if you contemplate faith at all, but if something in you recognizes that there is a God, an Intelligent designer, a Creator, a higher being of Love, then you probably also recognize that He/She is of the Spirit realm.  I know what I believe, and how I think of the Spirit, but regardless there is comfort to be had with this in mind. 

     

   The Spirit intercedes for us, and actually ‘groans’ on our behalf.    Could our pain be felt that deeply and sincerely by the Spirit of God?  Could it be true?  The word ‘groan’ (stenazo) is only used six times in the New Testament, and every time it’s associated with liberation from suffering.  A cry out for restoration; for peace.  And the Spirit of God does this on our behalf, when we have no words?!  Amazing.  God is THAT close to our hearts, particularly when suffering, that all we have to do is feel the pain, embrace the pain, and He is already out to heal.  Much like a friend who is willing to weep with you, or fight for you in times of injustice, the Spirit ‘has our back.’  In a way, it’s like he’s saying, “I know kid, this world sucks sometimes!  And I hurt for you, because I know it’s unfair and cruel.  You’re not alone.  My heart breaks as well.  I weep with you my child’  Even more though, I have learned from my own experiences, that knowing and believing this, in a time of need, brings comfort and freedom.  If you had Hercules as a 24 -hour, body guard and protector, would you carry 3 tons of weight on your back?  No.  In fact, the reality is, you can’t.  You would let him handle it.  He’s more capable.  And as for the Spirit, not only is he more capable, he is surely more 'all knowing' and 'all seeing.'  We are free to still seek the goodness in life, and strive for the beauty in the world, because he’s got our back.  We are free to focus on what really matters; trusting that all will be well, no matter what curve ball comes our way.  We can have peace, a midst chaos; a flame in a room too dark.

So to my friends and family hurting at this time, take peace in these words:  You are loved. You have immeasurable value.  You are being heard, even when words are impossible.  AND, the Spirit of God has never been closer.

One of my favorite songs:    

Why It Matters

By Sara Grovecs

Sit with me and tell me once again

Of the story that's been told us

Of the power that will hold us

Of the beauty, of the beauty

Why it matters

Speak to me until I understand

Why our thinking and creating

Why our efforts of narrating

About the beauty, of the beauty

And why it matters

Like the statue in the park

Of this war torn town

And it's protest of the darkness

And the chaos all around

With its beauty, how it matters

How it matters

Show me the love that never fails

The compassion and attention

Midst confusion and dissention

Like small ramparts for the soul

How it matters

Like a single cup of water

How it matters

                  My Grandma.  She was pretty sick here, but she still took us out to this beautiful park. I always thought            
 she was staring into heaven here. Her body was failing her, yet she was still in awe of the beauty.

So why the tattoo?

Good question.  Especially when most wouldn't consider Danielle as a 'gaudy tattoo down her foot' kind of gal.  Well, I shared with a friend today,for the first time, the complete reasoning, and was inspired to write it out for those who might care to know.

        

My 4 year old Mallory

As my family knows, flowers,particularly wildflowers, are special to me.  I spent much of my summers hunting down special bouquets for my mother, paying careful attention for that special unique center 'posie.'  Those are memories of simple pleasure, of peace, contentment, and just living in the moment. 

        

A few months back I was really on a running streak, literally and figuratively.  Much of my life was getting to be on the fast track.  One night I had this vivid dream;  I was running on the walking path on the campus I work with, much like I did most work days, but this day I was going REALLY fast.  I was trying to keep my eyes forward and focused, as if I was trying to beat my pace.  It was a gorgeous day, sunny and with a breeze.  I started passing a field on my left, and in the corner of my eye I caught this unfamiliar, almost exotic, tall flower growing among the bending wheat.  

Suddenly I had this inner conflict.  A voice deep inside said, 'stop and look at that flower Danielle.  When have you ever seen anything like that?'  This voice was one of calm, of curiosity, of childlike wonder.  Then another voice came in, but this voice was loud, and rushed and it insisted 'NO!  Keep going!  You have to keep moving!  You can't stop now!'   

I was deeply conflicted.  What do I do?  

 I chose to stop.  
I chose to walk to the flower. 

And as  I held the flower in my hand, and beheld the utter beauty of its detail and color, that calm voice came back.  "Danielle....this shouldn't have been a struggle.  THIS was the obvious choice.  When will you ever see this again?'  And then I saw the faces of my children.  And I felt shame.  I suddenly knew that my rush to get ahead, to find my future, was causing me to lose sight of the now.

      The next day I came to work and told a couple of close coworker/friends about the dream.  It haunted me, alerted me, and caused me to think. To stop.  That was the same week the trees were blossoming on campus, and as I walked by them everyday, I watched them shed their blossoms fast, realizing how fleeting their beauty is.

       
    My children will only be 1 and 3 for exactly one year of their lives.  That's it.  If I miss it, I can't get that back.  A lot has changed in my life over the past year, as some know, so it's easy for me to get swallowed up on the 'how will I fix that on my car?  Where will I be working next year?  What degree should I go for now?  Will I ever find love again....?"  But while I run that crazy race, I will not lose sight of rare flowers; the giggles of my babies, the way Mallory searches for cold skin at night to rub while she goes to sleep, the wild 'meeemy mommmy' run I get from Lucas when I walk into his daycare room.  I choose to be intentionally present in these moments, as well as many others that I share with dear friends, family, a book, or heck, my coffee!   I choose to find happiness in the moments of my life now.  Because if we can't find happiness where we are at, what makes us think we deserve it in the future?  It's inward-outward, not the other way around. 

      

Back to the cherry blossom branch.  Other than its just obvious beauty, it is richly symbolic in the Japanese culture.  It often symbolizes mortality, more specifically its extreme beauty and quick death.  Life is fleeting.  I put it on my foot so no matter how fast I get running I won't forget to stop and notice the beauty.